Don't sleep on Monday Night Combat's Assassin character -- aside from being incredibly quick and deadly, she has the unique ability to cloak herself, giving her ample opportunity to plant pointy things in your soft, flabby back. Sure, maybe if you worked out you'd have a tougher back, but we both knew when you bought that gym membership you'd never go. Now you see where you're at?

You may not be able to change the stabability of your back, but you can know your enemy and, remember, knowing is half the battle. So put some wrinkles in that noggin of yours and head past the break to watch the Assassin in action. Then maybe check with some doctors about undergoing a full-on stainless steel backiotomy, if you've got the cash -- your back is home to, like, 30 different vital organs. We read that somewhere once.

Monday Night Combat will be available on Xbox Live Arcade on August 11 for 1200 Microsoft Points ($15).