We sent Agent Smee to study the case of the L.A. Noire port to PC. This is the detailed report he sent back. Having studied its contents, we have no reason to suspect foul play.

The notebook I carry around everywhere is an unreadable mess. Written in handwriting so poor I can barely sometimes decipher my own words, it’s a collection of incomprehensible interview notes, indecipherable idle thoughts, scrawled doodles, contact details inevitably copied down incorrectly and shopping lists written over one another in different coloured ink before being scribbled out. It’s a nightmare, is what I’m saying, so playing LA Noire in the presence of the hard-nosed Detective Cole Phelps turns out to be some kind of lurid personal fantasy. His notebook, you see, is beautiful. Meticulous, organised, copperplate writing, lifelike portraits and intricate still life pencil compositions, the perfect tool of organised life. It’s not exactly often I find myself jealous of fictional videogame characters, but boy howdy do I want to be able to organise a notebook as well as Phelps.

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