The latest update to Valve's Team Fortress 2 is bizarrely characterized by what it doesn't contain: hats. No hats to be seen here, folks! Rather than stuff the patch with new, digital chapeaus, Valve has added somewhat beefier offerings, like a matchmaking system that sets up inexperienced players with a "Coach," new training exercises for the Spy, Engineer and Demoman, and a redesigning of the KOTH_Badlands map.

You can check out the full list of updates after the jump -- though, if you're like us, you'll probably just peruse the list while hunting for any surreptitious Portal 2 ARG clues. They're everywhere, we tell you!